Ben | Bucklands Beach
“My name is Ben and I call home, Bucklands Beach over around Howick. I’ve got quite a lot of stories, actually. I’ve got a good friend of mine, they’re family friends. They’re South African and came to this country with nothing and they built themselves up and they’ve been helping me through my struggles and everything like that.
It’s made me realise that to have nothing and then to have someone else come along and help you out, since then I’ve done things. I’ve gone out, and brought lunch for the homeless. I’ve helped out volunteering, just doing nice things to make a difference in people’s lives, just because that one small thing will make a huge difference, and it’ll influence them to do something nice for someone else.
I think it’s important just for everyone. It brings everyone together. Just helps us realise that we’re not alone and that there are other people out there, and that no matter how tough things are at the moment you know, everything’s okay, despite how bad it may seem. There’s someone out there. It’s just a matter of taking a step out of your comfort zone and saying hello to someone, and they might say hello back to you, and the next minute, you might be friends. It’s definitely important, especially in today’s world.
I grew up in Tauranga, moved up to Auckland when I was about eight-years-old. It’s been a bit of a mess my life, but it’s been good. The things I value is friendship, time alone, just space, just this world, this country, nature. It’s just going out and appreciating what we have, despite everything else going on in the world. That’s what I value, this being secluded and with friends, and just appreciating what we have.
My dad was very, very abusive when I was younger, towards my mum and my brothers. I’ve got three brothers, and he was never really around, so it was trying to sort my life out by myself, having the support of my mum, sometimes my brothers, but about 2017 I was staying at my dad’s place for the weekend, trying to get things back together and I ended up living there for three months, and some stuff went down and we ended up getting in a fight which ended up in a physical fight, hitting each other. Then we got split up and I went into the lounge. He followed me into the lounge and tackled me down, and I pulled him down, and we ended up beating each other up. The cops showed up and I spent the next year dealing with the court case. Two charges. One was assault and one was with a deadly weapon, which was a pair of scissors which I ended up throwing away, which was a false charge, but having to deal with that from your own family, from your father, it’s rough. I was diagnosed with Asperger’s when I was very young, so I never really talked to anyone. If someone came up to me, I’d just tell them to leave me alone. I’d tell them to F-off. I just didn’t like people. I still don’t like people too much these days, but I’ve worked on myself so much over these past couple of years, and I might even sit down and have a conversation with someone, which is a big thing for me. But yeah, it’s progress and patience. Patience is such a big thing these days. Yeah, actually I’ve got it tattooed on my arm, right there. So, the number one thing for me is patience. Things take time, no matter how rough.”
**If you or someone you know needs help, you can call the family violence information line on 0800 456 450. It is open every day 9am – 11pm**
