What is something you’re proud of?

Toni | Tāmaki Makaurau

Toni shares how speaking her truth helped her reclaim her sense of self, strengthen whānau relationships, and become a role model for her children.

Content warning: this kōrero discusses family violence.

“My family has just been through the courts recently. I felt proud when I was in court and I felt power and I stood up and I knew there was a little camera pointing at me that a family member was looking at. I looked straight into that camera and I said what I had to say. And it was very empowering because they knew it was true and I knew it was true.

I had an amazing mother, a fantastic mother, like a lot of women out there who just want peace and an amazing family. On one side of my family, you had somebody trying to create that. And on the other side, you had somebody who wanted to have their cake and eat it too – and then took the anger out on the children, especially the children that weren’t his.

They are where they should be right now, at home with an ankle bracelet. Everything that’s come from it has been amazing. I’ve been able to think about my life in depth and I’ve been able to ask myself who I really am. What are my needs? What do I want? And be brave enough to try and actually sort things out for myself.

There are some relationships that I have with my family that can’t really be healed, but a lot of them have become so much stronger. My sisters and I have connected on a level we haven’t before. They’re doing really well. It’s been really good.

I talk to my mum on a weekly basis now and we just have those normal mum-daughter conversations. It’s the most valuable thing to me – people. And even with my children seeing me go through this, they’re incredibly proud of me.

It’s good to be a role model, to stand up for something and say, ‘No, these things happened’ and they need to be sorted. Because, that sounds really cheesy but… I have value. I have value.”