Who or what brings light into your life?

Ray | Tauranga

Ray reflects on growing into fatherhood as a young pāpā.

“I have three children. I have a 26-year-old son who I had when I was 16, Cortez, and my two babies, Marlow and Frankie. Just being silly is such a valuable part to them growing up. I laugh regularly with them.

I think about all the time we’re just sitting back and not having the stresses that my parents had, where we can actually just see the silliness as a valuable trait of our daily existence.

I’ve had two stints at it. My son, I was only in that part-time sort of gig, being 16. But I’ve always been part of his life. And I was driven by trying to be something for him. I would say that wasn’t a very healthy way of trying to be a father. But that was built around my own desire to really prove my worth – to the world, to myself, and to ultimately, my son.

His mum and I were just kids and still trying to be kids while raising a child.

You want the best for your kids, and you think you’re doing the best for your kids. And that boy deserves to be angry at the world, if there’s anyone. But man, he’s a beautiful soul. He’s intelligent and kind and smart – way smarter than his old man. And we’re very close, we’re extremely close. I’m really grateful for that.

There were times where I had to make choices that didn’t consider his needs. I had to make choices for my own life to try to be where I am today. I’m really proud of him and I know he’s really proud of me.

But I’m very grateful for our relationship. And we’ve had to work hard at that. But I know we lead a very honest relationship. One where we’re equally, mutually proud of each other and what we offer each other in life today.”