Who or what brings light into your life?

Rachel | Tauranga

Rachel shares her powerful journey from diagnosis and addiction to healing and love, showing how reclaiming her story helped her break cycles.

Content warning: this post contains discussions of mental health and drug use.

“I’ve been misdiagnosed my whole life. They misdiagnosed me with depression, bipolar… I just found out the other week that on my notes it said borderline personality disorder. But then when I saw the psych, he’s said, “you’ve got PTSD.” I’d been put on all these medications to try and fix my depression, but they would actually make me worse, and that’s when I’d end up in these real low depression holes.

Then I got diagnosed with ADHD and autism. And I thought, well that’s what was being misdiagnosed as borderline personality disorder – because it often gets misdiagnosed.

I was 19 when I got clean and went to rehab. I started to do a lot of work in rehab. It started getting me reflecting a lot on my life, and they said to me, “when you go to rehab, the success rate of someone to stay clean or make it through life is 3%.” And I was like, “right, that’s my goal. I want to be a 3%. I want to be one of those people.” So I just started shifting my mindset. I thought, this is a good opportunity for me to be able to do something with my experiences in life.

I could’ve stayed in that victim mentality and been like, “poor me,” but I looked at what I’d gone through as a taonga. I went through a sensitive claims process about nine years ago. I finally got my diagnosis, got my sensitive claim, and then went in real deep with therapy. For about seven years I was seeing my counsellor, Rianda – she’s just incredible. That’s where I’ve done most of my work, and I’ve now got the proper medication.

When I met Tiki, I was like, “I’m not going to ever change for anyone,” because my whole life I’d tried to fit in everywhere since I moved around a lot. But he’s always embraced that, and he’s like, “I love you for who you are.” Having that safe space, having that person who sees you as you are, not as the symptoms of your trauma, is everything. And he’s also an amazing dad.

He’s what gives me hope with our kids. Being happy together is just as important for me and for our whānau as being sad together and feeling the emotions. It’s easy to be happy together. It’s easy to laugh. But I think the real challenge is that people are struggling to be sad together.”

– Rachel

This month, our kaikōrero reflect on the people, memories, and moments that helped them through, reminding us that light, people and connection can carry us too.

Where to get help:

1. Alcohol and Drug Helpline: 24/7, free, confidential advice, information or support about drinking or other drug use. Phone 0800 787 797 or text 8681. Website: https://alcoholdrughelp.org.nz/

2. 1737: The nationwide, 24/7 mental health support line. Call or text 1737 to speak to a trained counsellor.

3. Safe to Talk: a 24/7 free, confidential sexual harm helpline. Phone 0800 044 334 or text 4334. Website: https://www.safetotalk.nz/