Nikki |Parnell

“I lived through hell, but at the end of the day, we’re our self-talk, and we talk ourselves into what we produce in life. I’m still trying to find the silver lining within my own thoughts and the way that I talk to myself.

Even though I’ve been put through hell on earth, I’m still a happy spirited soul. Well, I like to think I am, and at the end of the day, you are your self-talk. Anxiety, depression and all those labels. You talk yourself into those labels. If those labels weren’t there, you wouldn’t talk yourself into them. 

Probably like 15 years of growing up through fucking shit, and then another 15 years going through prison systems. To still be a happy, jovial person after all of that is pretty good. It’s the way you talk to yourself, isn’t it?  I mean, anyone can be depressed or have sleeping issues. My biggest thing is these fucking people that are under mental health, they’re actually under court order to be fucked for life. They’re labelled and they’re pilled out for life, when all they’re really about is stress. It’s just different labels of stress. I mean, a person just reverts. It’s like when you first smoke a joint. We’re all looking for that big high again. It’s the same with stress. So, if some person’s been stressed the fuck out when they’re a young person, they’re going to revert back to being that young person, because of their stress levels. No-one deserves to be locked in a mental institution and labelled or anything like that. That’s just sad. They should be taken out of their environment and shown a better way in life, not pilled out and labelled. That’s just sad, bro. That’s, that’s my biggest hurt. I’ve been through mental health, too. They’re just labelled and they’re court ordered labels, and they’re pilled out and they’re worse than any street drug that’s around, you know? I’ve got friends that are like this. I’d have rather her been on fucking Datura than on the prescribed medications she’s court ordered to have. It’s sad, mate. No street drug does that to a person. It’s just sad. It’s Just like telling yourself off. It’s mental awareness, really. Self-punishment, in a sense. It’s like if you’re pulling yourself down, you’ve got to say, look Nick, pull yourself up mate. Why are you doing this to yourself? You’ve got to ask yourself these questions. Why, why am I going down here when I should be going here? But, at the end of the day, life’s lonely, so we go down these roads to find enjoyment. Doesn’t matter if it’s dark or light. It’s just life, isn’t it? So, we try to help people along the way.

I grew up in Taranaki. Life from the age of seven wasn’t good, and then people’s words and shit just affects you for another 20 years of your life. It’s not till you’re in your 40s that you’re able to put that behind you. It’s sad. I’d love to help young people, through schooling. Because you are your thoughts, and people can project shit onto you. They can say you’re a dumb cunt. You can say all this negativity and it’s going to stick to you. Your brain is the Garden of Eden, and the seed you sow you shall reap. It’s all written. 

You’re not mental if you talk to yourself, mate. Everyone talks to themselves. Everyone has probably two or three fucking voices in their head attacking them and we’re not taught how to deal with these things. Simplest thing is just don’t, don’t allow it. I’ve been labelled all sorts of labels and supposed to live my life in a mental fucking institution. Yet, here we are talking about it. It’s sad that people can be labelled and more or less given a prison sentence off a label.”