Who has changed your life?

Stevie | Pōneke

In 2023 Stevie (they/them) had gender affirming surgery. Both before and after surgery, Stevie has been nurtured by a special group of friends who have always embraced Stevie for who they are.

Stevie spoke about the way gender affirming surgery changed their life. They’re proud to have helped support other trans and non-binary young people as they go through the same journey.

They love me for who I am. And I do think that’s rare, to have people — to have several people — who will just genuinely love you for who you are and will celebrate you for your differences and your nuances.

I do feel very lucky. I feel very, very lucky.

I got top surgery at the end of 2022 and the number of ways in which it’s cracked open my life is — it’s innumerable. I feel that so many people said to me, “oh I finally feel like you’re you now,” which is really fascinating because I’ve always been me. But I also had this sort of — I had this thing and this big barrier and this literal barrier on my body to being me fully, fully accepting myself, actually, as well.

And so, you know, like I’m more confident in my body. So that means that I’m more confident as myself and more confident in social situations. So I feel calmer or I’m less worried about being perceived or judged or seen a particular way.

I mean, I still get worried about being seen in a particular way. I still get misgendered all the time. And it’s just about learning to sit in that security of me knowing who I am.

Thinking about, or coming back to thinking about those people that I have in my life who are able to hold me is like, how do I bring that energy in and give it to myself when I need it as well? Sometimes I’m good, sometimes I’m not good at that.

I really want people to understand how positively impactful people being allowed and supported and held to get gender-affirming surgeries, or any gender-affirming care is — it is genuinely life-changing.

When I did my surgery, I had to use a whole lot of — I needed a lot of financial support. And part of that was draining my whole KiwiSaver. And I remember a friend said to me, “well what about your retirement fund?” And I literally was like, I don’t think I would really get to retirement if I didn’t get the surgery. So sort of like, it doesn’t really matter, you know, that money’s sitting there, I can use it, why wouldn’t I use it to be happy now and to be comfortable now?

I’ve had so many conversations with younger people about getting top surgery or about getting gender-affirming surgery, and that feels amazing. Younger trans people, younger non-binary people who reached out for support and it felt so cool to be able to pass on that support.

Right before I got surgery, a friend of mine, Pax, came over to my house and just sort of talked me through some of the steps of recovery, gave me all of this reassurance and information about it, and cause I wasn’t feeling quite like secure. I was a bit worried about what was I going to do when I was recovering and how long it would take and all of the specifics. And they came over and they talked me through it and I, I have had the opportunity to do that too, which is cool.

And I hope that I continue to get that opportunity for the rest of my life.