Shannon – Hawkes Bay / Henderson
“How I recently showed someone I care about them is I gave my son a kiss and a hug and said, have a good day.
I’m a pre-nailer, build house frames for Henderson Timbers, and I’ve only been up in Auckland for a year now. I have two children. My partner’s a day care teacher. My oldest boy’s three, and my youngest is six months. I think you’ve got to keep a balance. It helps both ways really, and it just keeps your family secure.
I love cooking. I was a sous chef at my previous job back in Hawkes Bay, but we both love cooking together. We just now and then have competitions; see who can cook the best meal. So yeah we pretty much both do the chores around the house. We’re quite tidy freaks. I don’t think it’s changed much. I think the man will still always be the main provider, but it’s good to find that balance so the woman doesn’t feel less or over-ruled. So she feels a bit, you know, not over-ruled, yeah. She knows her place as well; beside you, not below you.
I guess your kids say it all. If your kids act well, then it goes to show your parenting’s well. So if your parenting’s well, then your relationship’s well. So I guess that shows what shows a healthy relationship. I actually met her through family.
I met my family through family, and it was, I felt it was love at first sight, and we just had a good connection and it’s remained the same ever since. Four years, now.
I believe it starts with the relationship between you and your partner. If you can show how much you adore your partner then the child will see that as well. So then they know that you’re looking after the mother, which the child will end up becoming a good father in his example of the way you do as a parent. You may struggle financially or what not, but I just guess you’ve got to be nurturing and just love your child regardlessly whatever happens in your life.
My childhood was completely different to what my children go through now. I went through a rough, real rough, like Once Were Warriors had nothing compared to what I went through, really. Yeah, gang life, abuse, alcohol. Yeah separation, parents separating, but I guess it was an experience that helped me mould into a better man really. I just knew one thing my father always asked me when I was growing up as a child, he asked me what, what I want to be when I grow up, and I always said to him, a better father than him, and that was always my drive. So I knew once I had a child I was going to make sure that he didn’t go through what I went through.
Separation, and seeing my parents separate, but it had to be, because my mother was getting hit on a daily basis to the point us, as children, me and my siblings were trying to jump in and fend for my mum, but we would end up getting hit. So it was, it was bad from the get-go really. Once, once they had children it was all hard for my father. Both of them, it was hard on both of them, and I guess, yeah separation was the best for them, best for us, but even though we found the separation real hard as siblings, and our siblings, we got separated, and there was just me and my little brother together. My sisters and my older brother were separated with my mum. So yeah other than that we all just, we ended up finding ourselves in the world. We find our place, find our, you know, but it’s just up to yourself to believe in yourself in what you want to do.
Oh I honestly believe (violence) is the most poisonous thing we have in this world, more than alcohol, more than drugs. Because it can really ruin a child. I’ve got family members that are either gone to gangs, or committed suicide, or still damaged parents right now, and doing the same thing to their, to their children. So I believe alcohol or drugs have nothing on violence, yeah.”
