Rhea | Matamata, Waikato

“When I first came out to New Zealand from the UK obviously, that was quite a challenge, because originally I just came out with six months’ worth of summer clothes on a holiday, and I’ve been here nearly 13 years now. So, it’s been a long holiday.

My family, they’re still all in the UK, and that’s really been my struggle over the last 13 years, particularly having kids, and parents who don’t want to travel all the way over here. Having my two children without my parents around, without them in their lives has been really hard. 

I grew up with a very close family, and so I felt kind of like a limb had been severed, almost. I am close to my in-laws, which is wonderful, but it’s not the same, and it’s not how I imagined it was going to be. There have been several times in my life where I’ve had depression, been really, really low, without even realising I had it until I found counselling. That was really what brought me out of it, and it’s given me a new purpose and a new lease of life, and it’s made such a difference to me. I’m actually studying to be a counsellor now. So it’s my way that I can give back to something that I really believe in. It was a hard feeling, and I had my partner who’s now my husband, with me, but it’s not quite the same as your family.

Depression had kind of been normalised in my family. It was very British you know, stiff upper lip and all that, so people don’t talk about feelings very much, and then when they do it was quite clear that my father and his father had depression. It was quite serious, but I didn’t recognise it. I only just realised myself, that their behaviour isn’t normal, and that you can be happy, and it’s okay to be happy, but it’s also okay to get help when you need it. It’s not normal to be sad every day, and that if you are, it’s okay to look for help from people. Reach out for help, you can feel better, and when you do, it’s actually quite a shock to see how low you were. Kids don’t give you much time to feel sorry for yourself for very long, because they don’t have that capacity to just let you wallow in your own self-pity. They kind of bring you out. So that’s what’s helped me and having two dogs that I have to walk every day, they bring me so much. They give me so much pleasure.

I don’t think that distance has to be a separator, and that just because it’s not what I would choose to do with my life, if they decide to do things differently, that’s okay, and I’ll love them anyway, and support them with whatever they do. I generally just want them to be happy without expectation, and know that I’ve got their back if they need it, and that I understand. For my kids, I would love for them to be happy. Just happy with their choices, and know that I would support them with whatever they do, and that distance doesn’t have to be such a big deal. Doesn’t have to be a breaker with relationships.”