What moments shaped you in 2025?

Raiha | Kaikohe

Raiha explains how her whānau have created a safe space for their tamariki using tikanga Māori (Māori customs).

“Ko tēnei te kāinga o ngā tamariki. E ai ki a mātou ko ngā pakeke me mate hanga mātou tētahi āhuru mōwai mō ngā tamariki. He whare mahana, he whare aroha, he whare ako, he whare kōhetehete, whakatikatika. (This is the home of the children. According to us adults, we must build a safe haven for the children. A warm house, a house of love, a house of learning, a house of reprimanding, of guidance.)

I tēnei tau kua pahure, kua werohia te ao i a mātou. Wero, werohia nui i a mātou. (In this year that has passed, the world has challenged us.)

It’s in those moments where we found the most growth and understanding of who we are. I te mura o te ahi, ko wai koe? (In the heat of battle, who are you?)

I recall certain moments in our hardest times where we utilised our tikanga Māori to support us in navigating the many layers of te pō (the realm of darkness). Although it was very uncomfortable, mamae (painful), pōuriuri (dark), together we found a way through it and we found a way to Hinātore (enlightenment). And it was in those moments that we really understood who we were deep down to the core.

Coming together with our tamariki to navigate those spaces and seeing our tamariki in that space and come through it was really eye opening for us pakeke (elders).

Tamariki are light, ko rātou te hinātore o mātou ko ngā pakeke. (They are the enlightenment for us adults.)

The idea of te pō doesn’t seem so heavy. Because mei kore ake te pō, ka kore nei te ao. (Without the darkness, there is no light.)

When we go through these dark moments we come out into the world of light better, flourishing, thriving, growing and of course healing.

We have created tikanga for ourselves as a whānau to support us in working through those emotions. The emotions can be all consuming. The fear, the anxiety, the self doubt, your self worth, questioning who you are and whether you’re on the right path. Shame, guilt, hate, anger, there’s so many difficult emotions that we were never taught to work through. But through the teachings of our tūpuna (ancestors), our mātauranga Māori (Māori knowledge) and kōrero tuku iho (stories) that we have had the privilege of accessing. We created a tikanga to support us.

Te mea tuatahi, ko te wānanga takitahi. Te mea tuarua, pure. (The first is individual reflection. The second is a cleansing ritual.)

We have many places that we like to go for pure, through this kaupapa we have reconnected with many of our pito whenua (land plots).

Me te tohi. Pātai ki ngā atua Māori, ki ngā tūpuna mō te āwhina. Āwhina mai ki ahau kia wātea ai ngā kāpuapua ki roto i taku hinengaro, kia kite ai ahau i te ara ki tua. (And tohi, a dedication ritual. To ask the Māori gods and ancestors for assistance. It helps me so that the clouds in my mind are cleared, so that I can see the path beyond.

Tuawhā, i hanga mātou i tēnei hapū. Kei au ngā poupou whirinaki maha, kei ngā tamariki ngā pākeke maha, ngā mātua maha kei huri rauna i a rātou ki te āwhina, ki te akiaki. (Fourth, we built this hapū, sub-tribe. I have many support pillars, the children have many elders, many parents around them to help, to encourage.)

Āe, and so those are the four things that we have but also different tikanga such as wānanga together. We’ve created a safe space, tēnei āhuru mōwai (safe haven). We’ve created a safe space for our tamariki to feel comfortable enough to share and for our pakeke, to feel comfortable enough to share their really hard emotions and I think having someone there, a soundboard to hear your mamae (pain) is really freeing for us because when we grew up as tamariki we couldn’t talk to anybody.

So those are strategies that we’ve come up with as a whānau to help us to navigate those hard spaces.

Koirā ngā mea i whakaora i au i tēnei tau. (Those are the things that have healed me this year.)”