Pauline | Ōpōtiki, Bay of Plenty

“I don’t actually regret anything. I was addicted to methamphetamine for 19 years. Today I run programs. So, I’ve been clean today for two years, six months.

I have no regrets for being in that because today, I’ve learned the powerful stuff that I have about myself and the healing for me, and as you can see, with regards to my jersey, I’m a part of three programs, three rōpū’s here in Te Arawa, in Tūhoe and Tāneatua, and also in Ōpōtiki, our Whare Rauora space. So, I actually don’t regret it because I’ve actually learned a lot even from being in that addiction space. I’ve learned a lot today and, and the best thing for me is about being able to support whānau that are still going through this cycle of addiction with methamphetamine. I could say my regret is that I didn’t get the healing that I needed sooner, just because with a lot of our whānau out there today struggling with methamphetamine it’s really sad for me. It’s mamae to see, knowing for me that I experienced going through that whole experience, and seeing the mamae with our whānau that are still struggling with this. I guess that’s my only regret is that I didn’t get the healing that I needed for me sooner.

I’ve learned so much about myself in the last two years of my recovery than I have over my entire life. I know my reo, so today being able to sit here today and do my pepeha is quite good for me, because in my addiction I left my Māori side over there. It’s not that I lost my whānau. It’s just that I was too busy with my addiction to be a part of that. So, my grandmother was a big part of me growing up with regards to being on the marae and all the Māori aspects. She was a big part of my learning the reo and right down to taking me to the marae and learning about my pepeha, those types of things. But during my addiction, I left it. So, it wasn’t that I lost it. It’s just that I got too busy with my addiction, that meant more to me than anything. Anybody that watches this that knows me, they also know how I was not a present mum. But today, whānau I’m a present nana, present mum, and it’s amazing. 

I was born in Ōpōtiki a little suburb down on the East Coast. That’s the place I call home. For unforeseen reasons, whānau I’m here in Rotorua because I’ve just recently had a motorbike accident, so I’m here, because this hand’s not working. This is where the treatment is. But home is where the heart is, and home for me, is Ōpōtiki, and today I’ve finally made it back home. So, here in Rotorua is where my journey started, and I’ve learned so many tools that I’ve taken home, and I’m a part of a rōopū down there which is powerful, powerful in the sense where whānau that are struggling, they come to our space, because they’re not there to get judged. They’re there because I want to support them in their healing and that’s the biggest thing about what I’m doing with regards to giving whānau support, is in no way do I judge. Because it’s not only our whānau that are going through this poura kino. So poura kino is meth, whānau. This is what we call it in all these spaces. They’re not the only ones that struggle. Their families, like their mum and dad, or their sisters and their brothers, they’re also affected. So, they’re indirectly affected by this meth. It’s about being supportive to all whānau that are involved.

For me, it’s all about everyone. Not just the whānau member that’s going through the poura kino, but also their family members, because the war on meth is everyone’s business, whānau.”