Lovey | Hokianga, Northland

“I work as a healthcare assistant and the other day I was looking after one of our oldies, and she was just lying in her bed relaxing, and I asked her if she would like to go to the day centre and she said, no.

She was all happy where she was, and she was reading some really interesting books, which I thought were quite intriguing, and I said to her, you know why don’t you come over?  And she says, ‘no I’m just learning to be here, I’m just learning to accept this is my space, and where I am at the moment, and learning to be quiet.’ And, I just thought that was so beautiful. She’s in her 80s, and here we are all rushing around, always trying to do something, and she’s just learning to surrender and be still, and it was just really beautiful. I really enjoyed that. It was just a real remainder to live in the moment, and to centre yourself, go back to your breath, and enjoy it. It’s all about the really small things. It’s about all the little things. It’s not about going away on holiday and things like that. I think it’s the small things like having a cup of tea brought to you, and they’re so appreciative of everything you do for them, and it’s just a really nice reminder, of being human. 

I was brought up on a farm in the Hokianga. It’s a family farm, and it’s absolutely beautiful. It’s paradise. I look out over onto the Hokianga Harbour and I’ve got the Panguru hills behind, and I had a wonderful childhood riding horses with my two brothers. I went over to Aussie for a little while, and came back to raise my children, Marley and Lily, so they’d have the same experience as me, riding the horses, and the freedom. It’s such freedom to grow up in a place like that. I’m also an artist, and at the moment I’m exploring play with paint that’s all natural made out of paru, mud and things like that. So that’s my next project, but I am also really into regenerative farming. I find that really interesting. We don’t know that much about the soil, and now with the sign of the times, I think we really need to make a shift.

I value my relationships with my family. I value that more than anything, absolutely. I nursed my dad three years ago. He passed away from prostate cancer, and he really made me realise on this plane of earth, it’s quite short, and I really want to fill it with as much as I can. I know this is probably a bit overused now, but being kind, just being accepting of people and listening to their stories and just having that quiet time.

When I was nursing my dad, we did have some really nice times together, and I did get to know him a little bit more. He was such a patient man, and I remember learning to ride a horse. He would have me on a long rope on his horse, trying to muster the cattle, and being so patient. That’s what I loved about him, was his patience. He had the most amazing patience ever, and I still feel like that’s my lesson to learn. I think even as he was getting to the later stage of prostate cancer, he just accepted it. There became acceptance over him, and he would joke with a good friend of his, that dying was a really hard business. It’s that acceptance of the situation, and things like that, Dad would just reminisce about things, but he was also really content, even though he was in extreme amounts of pain. He was happy with his life, and happy with his story.

It was a real gift nursing my dad. It was a real privilege, just learning about your mind and your ego, because the ego has to shift, or it doesn’t always, but with my dad it did. The ego falls away and then you’re left with your true being, and it’s so beautiful. I’ve actually seen it a lot in my line work, and it’s just enjoying the small things. Dad was very much an animal lover, and loved his horses and just liked seeing them in the paddock. We had his bed faced out so he could see them in the paddock and things like that. 

My dad used to talk a lot about the things he’s done, because he hadn’t ventured a lot from the Hōkianga. He’d always just stayed there, because that was his true love. He just loved going to work all the time, and being at home and he kind of just said to me he just wished he’d travelled a bit more, but in saying that, there’s nowhere else he’d rather be than in the Hokianga, and he was so content with that.

I’m the older sister, so it was kind of natural for me to nurse Dad. Dad and I already had such a close bond. I’d lived with him on and off over the years, and with the kids as well, as a family, so it was just natural for me to nurse him, and it was such a privilege. Dad was so amazing. He had so much pain and he would never complain, it was so, so beautiful.”