Radha | Greymouth, West Coast

“The regret I had was my marriage broke up after 14 years, and I sort of regretted that moment having made that move from Singapore to New Zealand. At the same time when my marriage broke up, my job was also on the line, and from a full time teacher, I went to being a part-time teacher.

So, I really struggled, this was in Tauranga, and it was a real struggle because I had the mortgage to pay. I had a part-time job. What was I going to do? That was the time when Tauranga Boys’ College approached me about teaching Indian cooking classes. So, I branched into that, and I tell you what, I’ve never looked back, because I have lived in Tauranga, I’ve lived in Rotorua and I’ve taught Indian cooking classes, and I’ve just started teaching in Greymouth, as well. That has taken me onto learning more about the cuisine of India, because my parents were from South India, so I only know South Indian cooking. It led me onto learning about the different cuisines of the different states of India and also my own background. I come from Singapore, so I’m very familiar with Singapore Malaysian food and there’s fusion cooking, and I try to do that as well. So, I’ve moved on and now I don’t regret what happened with our marriage, because we are very good friends now. We get along very well together and he’s actually in the same town as me. He’s in Greymouth as well and we meet up and socialise. So, I have no regrets now.

What happened was that when I moved here, my husband sort of felt that he needed to look after me. I’m in a different culture, and I sort of relied very heavily on him for a lot of things, but when I set up my own home, I learned to do things on my own, and I don’t mean that I didn’t know how to go to the bank or anything like that. It wasn’t like that. It was doing things like getting someone to come in to do your plumbing, an electrician, doing renovation work, like having my kitchen done, renovating. These sorts of jobs really gave me a lot of confidence, and doing things for yourself, like mowing the lawn, and pruning the trees and things like that. Learn through trial and error. There were frustrating moments when I couldn’t do something, and I’d say, well how do I do this? So, I’d ask people, and they’d tell me how I could do it. It made me more independent. It made me realise that I could do it, and I gained a lot of confidence in myself. 

In the beginning, it was really hard, I’m not a person who will ask for help and that was difficult for me but people were only too willing to help me, and I think that helped me, as well. I was very fortunate that I had a good circle of girlfriends who really came to my aid but I did go through a period of depression, and I was really not prepared to sort of come out of it, let’s say. My cat was my saviour, actually because I knew I had to feed him. So, then I thought to myself, I have to feed myself. I used to go for very long walks, I always loved walking. So, I used to go for very long walks and clear my head that way, and have good space. I also joined a group of friends to do meditation and yoga, and now I do all that, and that has helped a lot.

Let’s just say we went our separate ways. In many ways, I was working very long hours, because I was working at the university. I started at eight and I came home at eight, and he’s a nurse and when I went home, he’s not there, and when he’s there, I’m not there. So, we were like two strangers in the same house. So, that’s why we are better friends, because we are better company for each other. We didn’t separate because he was having an affair or anything like that. It was just time to move on, let’s say. I realise that, as well.

I work for New Coasters, and New Coasters is actually an organisation that helps newcomers to the Coast. Migrants as well as refugees and also locals. Locals who are coming back to New Zealand from overseas or who are from the North Island, and are moving here, or from parts of the South Island, and we connect them. They come and tell me things like ‘I like to join a walking group’. So, I put them in contact with someone who does that, or they want to join the knitting group. It’s just connecting people, and making sure they’re okay and when Covid struck we actually had a list of elderly folks that we kept in touch with, and if somebody needed logs for their fire, or whatever, we arranged for all that sort of stuff. Doing groceries shopping. Things like that. We can’t help people with their housing problem, but we try and put them in touch with who they can get help from. We have potlucks and coffee mornings and activities that we organise for our members. Basically, we keep the community together, and it’s connecting New Coasters to the locals, as well.

When I finished up my job in Rotorua, I was an ESL teacher, I told myself, I want to do some volunteer work. I want to be helping people in society, and this job came up, and I thought, wow this is such a good opportunity for me to be involved in the community, and I love it. It’s just wonderful doing this.”

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