Yonni | Kaikōura, Canterbury

**This story talks about family violence. If you, or someone you know, needs help you free call 0800 456 450 or www.areyouok.org.nz/i-need-help/.**

“Okay, so my experience that I’ll be talking about, it’s my first one ever actually. So, I don’t know if people can remember their first experience, but my first memory was when I was a baby, an infant, probably around two years of age.

The game was on, and something got my dad angry. Mum jumped in, good lady she is, and I don’t know what transpired over the course of her jumping in, but she pulled through really good for me. 

So when I was two, I was put in the middle of the hallway of our family home, between my mother and my father and they made me choose out of the both of them. And I was a baby. You know?  Only just knew my name because they were shouting at me. It was a rough first memory, but I’m really glad it happened, because I wouldn’t be here today, looking down the lens of this camera, into your eyes. My mum was a superhero. So, this is how I ended up in Motueka. I chose to be with Mum. So, I went with Mum to Motueka. I just feel like home is what you make it. Most people ask the question, where is home, but I’ve been thinking more like, well I don’t even know what a home is. I can’t really tell where my home is if I don’t even know what it is, yet. So, where I am right now, I’m trying to look after it to the best of my capabilities. It’s my mana. It’s my pride here, in Kaikōura, as well as Aotearoa. It’s actually coming up, the five-year anniversary of her passing. So on 3 September 2015 my old lady passed away. I’m going up north soon to Tokoroa to be with my family, and extended family as well. It’s a bit nerve-wracking because I haven’t seen them in five years. So, I’m really interested to see what should be my actual home, what it will mean to me when I’m up there. It’s make or break.

As blunt as I can put it, I’ve been lazy. I’ve been very lazy. I’m on a wage subsidy at the moment. I wake up at around 11 o’clock most days, but I just decided, no I can’t keep doing this. It’s ruining my household, ruining my friends. So I’ve told Whale Watch that I’m going to reapply, whether or not you take me back in, it’s up to you of course. I’m just wanting to let you know that I’m going to try, and I’m applying for Spray Marks, Night ‘n Day and Caltex as well. Trying to up myself.”